What Should I Do If My Spouse Is Threatening Divorce? If your spouse is threatening divorce, here’s where to start: Regardless, your starting point is to ask yourself “Why is my partner threatening divorce?” Step back and look at it objectively.
If your friend or sibling were experiencing this, what would you tell them? Try to understand your partner’s motivation and your role in what is happening.
One of the most common problems I see as a relationship and couples therapist is couples who threaten each other with leaving. When problems emerge, one person will suggest to the other, “Well, if that’s how you feel, let’s simply break up or seek a divorce,” in the heat of the moment.
If you’re looking for a definitive answer to the subject of “how to deal with the danger of divorce,” here’s how to handle the problem without losing your mind.
What Should I Do If My Spouse Is Threatening Divorce?
The key to preventing the D-word from raising its ugly head during arguments is to understand why threatening divorce during an argument can ruin your marriage.
Do one (or both) of you threaten the “D” word (divorce) when you and your spouse are in the heat of an argument? If your usual reaction to dispute is to threaten to leave the relationship, you may be committing one of the coupledom’s cardinal sins: the threat to leave.
Many couples believe that if their relationship does not work out, they will simply leave/divorce their partner and find another, even better companion.
“But, why is this attitude so harmful?” you might be asking yourself. The reason is that unless there is a rock-solid belief and understanding that both parties are committed to the relationship, and nothing (no argument, conflict, a difference of opinion, etc.) is ever going to break up the partnership – it is difficult to feel secure.
What Should I Do If My Spouse Is Threatening Divorce? Commitment Is Non-Negotiable
Both parties must agree that their commitment to each other is a non-negotiable starting point: “We will agree to work out any issues we may have.” Couples feel safer when they have this basic and essential confidence in their connection. This devotion, drive, and desire to persevere in the face of adversity.
All Relationships Have Some Degree Of Conflict
It is difficult for two people to cohabit without some level of irritation, aggravation, or open antagonism. Some couples can live in relative tranquility, while others dispute about anything and everything, depending on their temperaments, ability to tolerate individual differences, and patience levels. There will be conflicts if you live in close quarters with another human.
Abuse Is Never Appropriate In A Relationship
If one (or both of you) is abusing the other (verbally, physically, sexually, emotionally, or in any combination of these ways), staying in the relationship is not recommended unless the abuse stops and the abuser seek counseling and can make significant progress toward change.
However, learning to “fight fair” and settle disputes in a healthy manner are key relationship skills for most couples where abuse is not an issue and merely the two are having trouble coexisting.
There Are Three Main Goals For Any Relationship
Honesty, openness, and dedication. In order for a relationship to be healthy, both partners must be mature enough to be open and honest. Honesty fosters communication and fosters trust, especially when it is followed by acceptance. The second purpose of communication entails that both parties are willing to hear one another out.
The traditional adage that we have two ears to listen and one mouth to speak (therefore listen twice as much as you speak) is sound relationship advice.
Commitment is the third goal. Staying together is both a decision and a priority when it comes to commitment.
What To Do If Your Spouse Threatens Divorce Too Often
When your partner threatens to divorce you during a fight, it’s usually a manipulative or aggressive way of getting you to give in to their perceived wants. What matters is that you make a decision based on what is best for your marriage as a whole, not just for one of the partners.
So, the next time you and your partner are having an argument and you can’t remember why you ever wanted to be with this person in the first place, take a walk, take a time-out, cool off, let your anger die down a bit, but don’t threaten to quit the relationship under any circumstances.
Also Read: Intimacy In Marriage: 7 Common Lies You Should Ignore!
Reference: Marriage.com
