Shortly after I graduated from university and started working, my Dad asked me what I desired most in life and I told him, “I just want to be happy”.
I have said that to myself many times and I know you do too.
I remember one of my classmates back then would say, “I can’t wait to get married so I can find happiness.” Her definition of happiness is, being with the right partner, eating choice meals, and escaping the control of her disciplinarian mother. I’m sure she knows better now. It goes beyond that.
What exactly does happiness mean?
Happiness is when your life fulfills your needs. It is a feeling of contentment that life is just as it should be. It comes when you have all of your needs satisfied. We know happiness when we feel it because it comes with a range of emotions including joy, peace, pride, contentment, and gratitude.
But, true happiness comes out of being thankful for the good things in our lives.
Every day may not be called a happy day but every day has seeds of happiness in it.
Applying this in marriage, we’ll understand that every day may not be a good day but we can have the good in it if we are committed to seeking out even a tiny bit of good. This will help us find happiness in our marriage.
Some of us, like that my classmate, grow up thinking that finding the right person to marry will be the key to a happy marriage. We assume that, the more we are with the right person for us, the happier we’ll be, even if, in some cases, the choice we make is based on security, status, wealth, appearance or tradition rather than love.
Most times, people choose who they think they’ll be happiest with only to find out that they are wrong. This is not because they have committed to the wrong person; it is because their expectations were, to have an ideal marriage, not a realistic one.
Marriage is not about you finding and marrying your ideal partner. Marriage is about what you do when you are with the right partner and still find yourself frustrated, exhausted, drawn, and almost losing it.
You might say, “You have no idea how terrible my marriage is.”
Well, now you have a choice. If you intend to stay married to your partner, then choose to see the good in your marriage and respond with happiness.
Trust me, choosing happiness in your marriage is the best decision you can make. You will be happy, your home will be happy, your children will be happy and, this will have a positive impact on your health and career.
Marriage may not always make you happy but it will give you an opportunity to find happiness in peace, in forgiveness, in learning what to fight for, in figuring out how to love others, in understanding what commitment is and what compromise feels like.
So, you see…
The real work is not about finding the right person; it’s about becoming the right person.
Let’s consider these 2 key factors that will help you choose happiness in your marriage.
Determination
Determination is a character trait where you are intent on achieving a goal. Being too determined to achieve a goal means obsessiveness or unable to see the difficulties.
Now, if you make a firm decision to choose happiness in your marriage, you may encounter roadblocks and obstacles. You will have experiences that will challenge your decision. If you are not determined, you will often give up and end up unhappy.
But if you are determined, you will focus your energy and effort to stick with seeing the good in every situation until you find happiness and you will reap the rewards.
Commitment
Commitment means to be willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work. That means, there’s going to be many times when you are not going to have your way and you’ll be okay with it. This is important when you know that your future is tied with your partner’s future forever. It means you have promised to stay and work it through, not just on paper the day you signed your marital vows but forever.
It might be easy to stay committed when your relationship is going fine but as you begin to experience changes, you may be discouraged. At this point, if you are truly committed to choosing happiness, you will step up to take active steps even if it means you are not going to get your way in some areas.
In all this, Choose Happiness! It’s not about money, looks, or status; it’s about being honest, responsible, and respectful to others, easygoing and fun, confident, emotionally open, disciplined and, taking pride in yourself.
Dr. Myles Munroe provides wisdom for building and renewing your most vital relationship on earth in his book, Keys For Marriage. Understanding the inherent, God-given design for men and women will enlighten your perspective on your spouse and help you to build a healthy, dynamic marriage. As you understand how marriage is designed to function, you will experience a changed heart, a stronger relationship, and a more joyful and fulfilling life.
Get this book HERE if you desire Happiness in Your Marriage!
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